This thing—this website you’re reading—is usually a two-man show. We write and edit our work, and then we throw it at the wall and see if it sticks. People maybe read it, we’re not sure. But listen: it’s gotten pretty lonely around here. We want to “publish” your work, too. That would make things a lot more exciting. That way you get to find a home for your writing or art or whatever, and we get to feel a little less lonely. Doesn’t that sound wonderful? Please look over the guidelines (term used lightly) below and figure out what you want to do. An email address for submissions can be found at the bottom of the page, but don’t cheat and skip ahead. This is important stuff!

—I—

We accept prose, essays, stories, insane ramblings, meditations, discourses, exegeses, philosophical breakthroughs, captains’ logs—and so on. Any lovingly-crafted literary work is welcome. Make sure it’s Pretty Good. There is no length restriction, no code of format, no preferred subject matter—you are free to create any damn thing in the whole world.

—II—

We will only accept poetry from those who have already had their prose posted. This is for our own protection. Don’t even pretend like you don’t have some poetry laying around somewhere. We want it, sure—but we don’t just want poetry. (That is, unless you’re an amazing poet (so rare (maybe you are, who knows)).)

—III—

Your work may be edited. If the editing entails more than correcting typos, we’ll let you know what’s up, and send you the edited draft for your approval before posting. Some works with potential may need editing on a more fundamental level. If we still really want it, we’ll send you suggestions, and you can either say, “Sure, that sounds great!” or give us the finger as you dash into the sunset with your manuscript.

—IV—

Consult famous American novelist Elmore Leonard’s “Ten Rules of Writing” before you submit anything. If you begin your piece with the weather, or overuse adverbs, you’re going to make two grown men cry.

—V—

In addition to the written word, art students seeking fame in our ‘visual art’ section are welcome to submit paintings, drawings, photography and the like. Once again, make sure it’s Pretty Good.

—VI—

Send all submissions to this address: viii.nothing@gmail.com. Please include your name (pseudonymous or otherwise), story title and a brief (!) author bio. We will confirm that we have received your submission and probably say something sad and desperate.